Arafah .

May Allah bless this tears , bismillah.

O Allah , the Almighty ,

Take a good care of my family , my friends , my sahabat , my parents and my life. Protect them from any danger and harm dear Allah. I love them. Thank you Allah for make them exist not in this world but in my world , my life. Thank you.

O Allah , the Greatest One full with Forgiveness

Forgive all my fault , all my parents fault and their negligence , all my friends' fault. Forgive all my sahabat. Only to you and the only one I can beg. Bring us to the right path. Guide me , my parents and my sahabat to the light. Also , give hidayah to your slaves who still walking on the wrong path , the path lead to your Jahannam. O Allah , please.

Dear Allah the one who gives love , hatred , happiness and tears ,

Bless my life. Grant me and people around me with happiness. Give us strong heart to face any of your tests. Protect us from sadness. Thank you Allah for everything. On this Arafah , i beg you. Begging you please hear my dua and grant my wish. O Allah , keep this bond , my friendship bond , family bond till your Jannah, not until my death. Indeed , i love them because of You. Ana uhibbukum fillah :)

Ya Allah , lindungilah ibubapa aku. Panjangkan umur dorang. Ya Allah , lindungilah aku dari segalaaa kemungkaran. Kau lindungilah sahabat aku dari segalaaaa kejahatan , kau kurniakanlah kesihatan yang baaaik untuk kami ya Allah.. Kekalkan lah hubungan persahabatan aku dengan sahabat aku sehingga ke Jannatul Firdaus kau , kekalkan lah. Walau pun kami gaduh , kau eratkanlah lagi hubungan kami. Sungguh , lindungilah aku daripada mencintai manusia bukan kerana kau. Terima kasih Allah , kau bagi sahabat ni dalam hidup aku. Kau bagi keluarga ni dalam hidup aku. Kau kuatkan aku. Kau kuatkanlah hati ibu bapa aku , hati guru aku , hati sahabat aku.

Murahkan lah rezeki kami. Rezeki keluarga aku , kawan aku. Give us a good health

Terima kasih , kau wujudkan mereka. Dua tahun sangaaaaat tak cukup ya Allah, kekalkan lah hubungan kami. Terima kasih kau hadirkan rakan sekelas aku,  haziq , arip , mirani , yah , rai , hani , afiq , zakwan , semuaaaa lah. Terima kasih kau temukan aku dengan Amir. Sebab , kau juga campakkan hafiz , muhaimin , firdaus , adib semuaaaaaaaa. Biarlah dorang tak sayang aku , kau maha Adil ☺. Aku sayang kawan aku !

Ya Allah , kau dengarlah doa aku. Lindungilah aku dari sifat riak. Amin.

23Sept15 , Arafah Day, 1858. Publish .

Hi :)

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone hahaha.

So its been a while since i have not update any of my life story huh. Well dua bulan kot tak balik rumah. Say what? Eleh padahal boleh je blogging kat maktab , saja tak tunjuk. Btw , i got a lot bunch ton basket of stories. Unlucky , i also got no listeners , and im okay . smile.

Sebenarnya tak nak cakap pun pasal benda ni and even tak pernah pun mention kat dalam blog pasal nama nama ni. Well , people come and go. So we met a lot of their species kan huhu. We got liar , fake friends, backstabbers, too honest, emotional, egoistic, kind, friendly, awkward and so on. I bet you can list it by urself thank you. Back to the story , im well known as the most sensitive guy in some people's life. Not too sensitive by the way. Aku biasa je((kot)). Hmm.

Well the part that I hate the most is to admit and say that im the one who got an ego with this big ((make your hand as wide as you can)). Come on , stop this shit.

Can't you see the things that ive done? Bukan nak mengungkit and i really don't want to. Tapi cuba lah sedar apa yang aku dah buat. I sacrifice almost everything kot. But is this what i get from trying? Bukan nak emo ke apa tapi bila kita gaduh ke apa ke , semua kata salah aku dulu and im the one who should begging for their apologies. Like semua salah aku and im the one who alter my ego. Oh that's good ?

But , i really appreciate our friendship. Aku tak sangka langsung that you guys would be this important to my life. Yes , i had no idea how much you would be this important since we met. Well kuasa Allah kan , siapa boleh halang. Haha lawak kan hidup ni.

Tak sampai dua tahun pun kenal. Tapi aku sayang gila korang. But , dear self , have you ever wonder how much your importance in their life ? How many times they think of you? Is there same goes on how frequent you think of them? Every second every minute every day. This is sooo suck when you valued your friendship too much. Never mind , i am a firm believer that Allah is fair in doing His job. So i don't think you guys would take me for granted. Haih. But please , don't make things become worst. Im tired. There's a long journey to go and here i cried to god begging him for not letting any of us go. I mean i want you guys , my family together in the Allah's jannah.
Amin.

22Sept15 0413 , publish.

Imagination.

Oh there she goes again,
Every morning its the same,
You walk on by my house,
I wanna call out your name.
I wanna tell you how beautiful you are from where Im standing,
You got me thinking what we could be cause,

I keep craving , craving , you don't know it but it's true,
Can't get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you.
This is typical of love.
Can't wait anymore wont wait .
I need to tell you how i feel when i see us together forever.

In my dreams, you're with me.
We'll be everything i wanna us to be.
And from there , who knows maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time or is that just me and my imagination.

We walk we laughed we spent our time,
Walking by the ocean side,
My hands are gently intertwined,
The feeling i just can't describe.
All the time we spent alone, thinking we cannot belong to something so damn beautiful, so damn beautiful.

What do you mean?

4/9/15 published .

Death note.

They were strangers to me until they become apart of my life journey.

I dont even know them. Benda ni semua mula since aku dilantik jadi SPR. I don't even ask for this post and dont even want to. Yes , i admit that i was enjoy doing my job as ketua biro filtrasi. But things changed. It turns upside down.

Okay , here it is.

I met Fikri for the first time during the debat training. Yes , at first , he is the junior that i the most for some reasons. Haha , but. People changed. I changed. I open up my mind. I open up my heart and i think i open it up to someone who deserve it. Fikri used to be my calon bwp and now he's not. But aku bersyukur gila at least he got a post here. The problem is not him but his friend.

Honestly i dont want to write this but i have to. I dont want to keep it anymore. Its suffocating me. I met people. Faiz.

Yes , he's totally a hell and also a heaven. But who cares. I care. This guy changed my life. I turned up to be someone that i dont want to. I HAVE TO.

I am someone who dont simply fall for people either in friendship or love. It is so sucks when you give urself easily to someone. Think about it. You build up ur own stand and its not took a day to build it up. You have to stand for urself. You dont need time to build it. What you really need are experiences. You have to fall back down and please. Stand up back. Yes , i have to say that i met faiz also for reasons. He's one of the bwp and guess what. Im one of the people who pushed him so hard. Well , that WAS me.

So one day , let me summarize the story hehe. He got mad and said everything to me. Yes. Everything. I was like seriously this is faiz? Haha. Yes definitely he is. Then , i learned that it was me who should alter my own ego. Well , i did it ((kot)). Lets not talk about this because i forgave him and all of them(( lets start a new life)) .

14/7/15. Published ;)

Just go.

Im nothing. There's nothing special about me. About what kind of person i am , about who am i in some people's life. I just guess that im nothing.

Somehow they are something for me. Sometimes they were everything for me. Family , friends , God. I just cant imagine my life without them. Yes , i live but i cant survive. I laugh in front of them but im crying hard inside here. Deep down here. I struggle hard to win people's heart. Everyone's heart. But i lost my self while trying to catch you. Who are you ?

To keep survive is hard but its harder to see someone you used being closed to , treat you like a stranger. Its getting harder when you realize that your bestfriend is actually not a best friend. You find yourself lost at some point but you keep survive. For what? Its useless.

Sometimes you hope that you are heartless. So you dont have to take care of people's feelings and you just live in your own world. But as i said , it hurts. Its like someone is killing you inside but you still alive outside. And you have to listen about what people said. You obey them.

You realize that you cant leave them because they are only people that you have. You have to put aside your feelings , your heart , your ego , your emo just to give them your smile , your wealth and your everything. Inside here , you're dying. You're dying at an age that you shouldn't be. Yes , we dont live to please people but we did it. Congratulations , you are great.

Its been a while :)

Assalamualaikum guys :)

So its been a while since i haven't update anything to this wall. Yeah , im finding a new life. A new kind of me. Well, things went bad and sometimes good too hahaha. Yes i admit that i love my life even at some point aku rasa cam hidup aku lah paling teruk sekali antara semua orang. Many things happened and i cant just type it here wehhhhh hahaha

Okay first yang aku ingat lah kan , yes SPR . Suruhanjaya Pilihanraya Maktab . Hahaha maybe it seems like leceh ah apa lah tapi at last doa aku makbul alhamdulillah hehehe. Yes , tough gila kerja bagai nak rak hmm. Result pun jatuh doh like seriously biology daripada A jatuh sampai D god siapa tak down kalau camtu. Pastu aku sedih gila rasa cam bodohnyaaa. Hmm but nvm , i found people are very supportive. I met juniors :)) They great like seriously baik gila best gila kawan ngan dorang ceh. Well i also met someone hypocrites lol. Biarlah dia hahaha.

Then then nak tau takkkkkk. Im officially SEVENTEEN YAY ME YAYYYY hahahahaha. God bless me. And maybe this is not the best birthday celebration ever but dont worry it was not the worst hehehe. Ramai nya wish and i got presents too hehehe thank you :)

But somehow i found people are sooo annoying when i put my whole trust into them. Know what? They crahed it to the ground. Well people changed. Faris tak wish pun lol Yasmeen punn lol. Siapa lagi eh taak ingat tapi sumpah ah aku terasa gila doh. Like seriously i miss our old friendship dude. Faris hang mana ingat aku dah so aku bye hang okay? BYEE :'))

And i have my own squad. But at some point i dont really think that i am apart from them. Cam tah ahh. Ada rasa something kat dalam ni ha. Rasa lonely sangat. But , i keep them safe and sound in my heart. Dont let them in. Dont let them see. Conceal, dont feel :)

Thats all thank you .

Your past , 

Izzuddin :)

Mampus lah .

Yes , I used to be called as one of the most sensitive person that you have ever met in your life. So what. Aku punya cerita mampus akulah. Yang tak tahu apa langsung , you guys are so judgemental. Well you guys should be.

Nak cakap aku tak terima nasihat ? Ha. Pergi mati sana. Penat bodoh dengar nasihat korang , ikut nasihat korang. Last last kepala aku cam bola sepak. Congrats people. Yes , i do have friends , i do have bestfriends and i do have my own soulmate. Tapi kalau korang kawan dengan orang yang psychopath , sorry to say lah sial. I'll try my best to survive by my own self. Dude , say what aku banyak jumpa orang lah. Banyak ragam. Come on lah.

Haah memang aku sorang je mulut jahat kan. Semua yang lain kan perfect cam anak haram. Pergi mampus ah nak emo ke apa ke. Penat bodoh cover happy depan korang. Sebab korang lah mulut aku cam cibai. Kalau nak tahulah. Okay fine.

So lepas ni aku try lah tak nak langsung terlibat dengan korang punya hal. Hargai orang yang tak hargai kita rasa cam sampah pun ada. Say what dah pi mampus sana.

S i a *

So its have been a while . I got soooo many stories but ugh panjangnya nak cerita nya pun. Hmm. 2015. You got be kidding me right. Come on , this is not a good beginning of the year. Yes , banyak gila jadi. I do remove people from my life. God is fair enough say what. I did it for my own sake. Enough. Not selfish , but too tired of being hurts by everyone. So , i won't let them close enough to hurt me again. Aku sedar siapa yang patut aku percaya. Siapa yang patut aku sayang. Well , i love people more than they love me. This sucks.

Know what ? It hurts. Jadi aku. Cuba aku bagi someone untuk hidup kat tempat aku. Bagi sehari je. Kau takkan tahan. Kau sakit sangat. Tapi kau kena senyum kat luar. Even bila kau sedih tahap setan , kau senyum gak. Tapi sometimes aku langsung tak kesah apa orang cakap. Aku emo sendiri. Ego aku tinggi. Susah jadi aku. Kau takkan sanggup.

Hidup yang hampir 13 tahun tak bersama insan bergelar ayah. Yes , i reveal a little bit about me. Come on. Its always me who cares about other people's lives. Oh crap.

Hidup yang hati kau tak selalu tenang. Susah sangat kau nak gembira. Susah sangat. Kadang kadang aku benci hidup aku. Perasaan selalu campur. Selalu over thinking about something. Aku risau sangat. Bila aku sayang orang , aku selalu sakit. Sakit hati. Sebab sayang sangat. Tapi , bila sekali aku sayang orang , biar Allah yang putuskan persahabatan aku. See. Aku je yang kena. Nangis ? Penat dah bro. Nangis senyap senyap. Aku sunyi. Tapi manusia lain kisah apa. Sampah , macam aku. Apa kau nak cakap , cakap ah. Tak rasa jangan judge .

Truly me , reveal .

This time , I'll reveal a little bit the actually me. I pretend a lot in front of people. I cried a lot behind these people. I smile a little in this life and I waste my tears on people who gave me bullshit.

Know what happened to my parents ? This will be the most big secret in my whole life. Yes , love is sucks. Im afraid of love. Afraid of being rejected. Afraid of being left hanging. That's love. I tried my best to not fall in love with someone because i know that its killing me inside.

What's my next step ?

I tested many people. I tested them by hurting myself. I hurt myself. Aku korbankan apa yang aku rasa. Aku tak nak apa yang jadi antara mama ngan ayah aku jadi jugak dekat kawan kawan aku. I'd swear , I love them in silence.

How did I test people ?

23/1/15. Yes , aku mengaku yang aku kawan dengan lelaki lagi rapat daripada perempuan. It would be nice if you don't judge me by listening to my life story. Maybe my life's story is not that interesting as you guys have. But I realized that , I am lesson in people's lives. Im not a bless. I came into their life to give them shits and a piece of sweets and a box of popcorns. To tell them how much life can fear them. How sweet is life? How shit is life? Yes , I do believe that Allah puts me here to make me stronger and keep moving on. Even though I got times that I cried hardly.

Zakwan and Amirah 's story. How i put myself there? Haha. It's kinda funny to know that Zakwan is dumper. Penipu. But , it's keputusan dia apa dia nak buat lepas ni. I'm totally tired of putting myself in some people's life. Totally fucked up. Okay. Here we go. I pretend to be like a hmm bestfriend lah. Its not pretend. Its true , i treat him as my best soulmate but. I told you he dumped me. I just want to see the power of their love. Its complicated. Amirah and Zakwan is something. So i leave the game.

Faris and Yah 's story. Hmm. This is one of the part that hurts me a lot. Yeah , Faris. We used to be close before this and i don't know what happened. We don't talk. We don't chat. The thing is when one night i said something to Yah that i think it's the most stupid thing i ever said. I told her that please don't marry you and i was joking rasanya. She thought that I was envy with you guys and the thing is she thought that im the one who want you and things went fucked. Yeah i know mesti Yah fikir aku cam gay kan cakap camtu. Yeah. Know what? I planned something for you guys.

I just want to see if she's really care about you. So i pretend that i know everything about you Faris. But yeah she won haha. There's lot of stories about us. Aku, kau and Yah. But kalau tulis kat sini, susah. The main thing is i don't want you guys hurt because of love semua ni. Trust me, it sucks. Seeing my parents pun dah cukup untuk aku buat semua ni. Make some people annoyed with me for their sake but its me who sacrifice a lot for their sake. Hm. I know that my doing was wrong and Im sorry. I really mean it. Sorry Yah , sorry Faris.

So this is the a piece of my life. See , I reveal it for someone's sake. This will never stop.

Love All , Trust a Few ? Sorry but before this I Love a Few but I Trust All. This is me swallowing my pride here.

Published.

Pissed Off.

Sebab bila kau tak tahu kau nak luah kan dekat siapa. Apa yang kau rasa apa yang kau pendam apa yang kau rahsia sangat. Kau rasa sunyi sangat. Sangat sangat sunyi. Sebab kau tak ada tempat untuk kau luahkan semuanya.

Orang yang kau harap dorang boleh dengar kau bila kau dalam keadaan yang sangat sangat teruk , semua tak ada. Bukan pergi , tapi melupakan. Pedihnya siapa tahu. Mulut boleh je kata 'i feel you' tapi hakikatnya they don't. Never. And they pissed me off. What happen to the old us ? Really ? Is this what i get from trying ?

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"Hai @idzhrnrzr ;)"
" apa "
" saja tegur haha "
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" @sy4fiqme weh weh weh"
" apa "
" ...kau rasa aku nak deep ke tak ni haha "
" ikut kau ah "
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Seems like all of us are done yeah ? I tried my best and this is what i got. Yes people do come and go but I never thought that feelings come and go too. But it seems Im wrong hah. Dah lah udin , kau ni apa je.

Too sick to say sorry so i say goodbye. I really hope things changed before its late. I really mean it. Sumpah. Aku takut , sebab korang dah mula buat aku nak lupakan korang. Even im not going to do so but if you guys treat me like an option , I'll leave you like choice.

Where do broken hearts go ? Come on ! Im too young to feel this empty !

11 January , Published.

Past To Future .

Dear Udin , kenapa ni kau susah sangat nak survive ni. Kenapa ni. Apa yang kau dah buat ya. Hmm kau kenapa dulu suka sangat mengalah ? Suka sangat baik ngan orang lain ? Hmm aku tak rasa pun kau baik sangat udin haha.

You still can't let go of the past rite ? You were leaved hanging. Always rite ? If 'nevermind' is the most word that you love , from now on , forget it. Please lah let go of the past. Cuma don't forget about it. They were lessons for you and things or people in front of you right now , is a blessing. So , buka mata luas luas tampar pipi kau and tengok semua kat depan kau. Jangan pandang belakang lagi dah.

Yeah I know you're having a very very hard times in these few couple years right ? Yeah , your problems are growing up , Izzuddin. Yeah you'll read this as future Izzuddin and im here as your past okay. Hmm if you are reading this , how's your family ? Mama dah okay belum. Masih marah dekat ayah ke? Adik cane ? Akademik dia semua okay tak? Your past is bad and sometimes its good. How's your friends now? Makin kurang ke makin ramai? Baik jangan ramai sangat tau Izzuddin , jangan macam sekarang ni. Kau peramah sangat sampai semua kau tegur and kau ended up nangis bagai nak rak sebab kawan kau yang ada ngan kau bila kau jatuh , boleh kira pakai jari. So dear future , cari kawan yang paling kau rasa perfect even they're not. How's your life now Izzuddin ? Just to inform you that your life for these couple years are quite bad. And sometimes not (kot). Aku percaya sekarang ni mesti kau dah move on kan. Kau dah kuat even kadang kadang kau sunyi sangat. Ye lah kau ingat tak dulu Din , ada someone ni kata dia nampak kau cam kosong sangat. Macam dia tahu kau memang kosong sangat kat dalam. Hahaha kau waktu tu nak tumbuk dia doh Din. Kau ingat takk niiii haha. Izzuddin , jangan lupa kau pernah disakiti dan kau pun pernah menyakiti. So , jangan kata Allah tak adil ya udin sayang. Kau kena banyak sabar sebab aku rasa hidup kau unik kot hm kau ada complicated relationship ngan kawan ngan family pun haha. Aku harap sekarang ni waktu kau baca ni maybe kau dah ada cinta kat someone ke apa ke uhuks.

Dear future Izzuddin ,

Kau tahu tak dulu kan kau tak suka cinta. Cam kau tak percaya pun cinta tu wujud en haha. Kau hanya percaya yang kau sayang gila kawan kawan kau. Kau pun cam gay pun ada lesbian pun ada. Kau rasa cam nak peluk semua orang tak kira laki ke perempuan. Hm aku harap kau yang sekarang ni makin better lah makin hensem ke hahahaha ye lah waktu kau tulis post ni kau tak hensem mana pun ceh hahaha. I'll pray for a very better life for you ya Izzuddin  ;)

                                Your past ,

                      Izzuddin Fakri Hamdan

2014 The Last Part

And the last should be a very happy ending , they thought. But , things always changed i dont know why oh Allah. Hmm.

Certain people do know me well. Do feel me as well. I found that i have a very long journey to go. That i must face all type of people. Egoistic , emotional , hypocrite , kind and so on. See ? World is full of lie. Haha. I met people. And some of them, i set them free. Let them flying. I just can't bear too much pain.

So its the end. And guess what. I really hope that 2014 will end cepat sikit and now its end. Tahun yang paling banyak air mata dibazirkan untuk manusia manusia. Actually tak bazir sangat pun. They were my worst mistake and my best lesson. They taught me how to deal with people that susah sangat nak appreciate orang lain. People taught me to appreciate people around me who cares about me but i didn't. Aku tak perasan pun ada yang kisah pasal aku.

Aku nampak ramai sangat yang sakit. Sakit hati. Semua sebab hubungan. Friendship , love , family . so how ? Hmm. That's why aku takut sangat bila nak buat sth. Takut nak rasa macam mana cinta lepas rasa macam mana pedihnya dalam hubungan persahabatan. Kau tak faham. Kalau kau faham pun , tak sama dengan apa aku rasa. Maybe kau ada masalah kau and sorry aku pun tak boleh nak rasa pedih kau seratus peratus. Haha.

2014. Well too much words to describe this year. Hope that 2015 is the year where i do appreciate people and people do love me as i do. Hehehe. Btw , target aku nak single sampai kahwin lah hahaha. Anddd im single but unavailable okay ? I'll try my best in everything this year hmm. Biar lah takdak bae ke girlfriend ke sweetheart ke haih. Nak wat cane tak attractive hahahahahahaha lol. At least ada jugak orang aku sayang tahap bae en em gay couple ni aduh gawat ni. Well people are being sucks when they thought everything's negative about the word gay duhhh. Cewah ada bakat ni nak bagi ceramah haha. Okay 2014 , i gonna miss you. Goodbye , thank you for everything and sorry for nothing k.

                                 Your past ,

                               Izzuddin Fakri

2014 Part Two .

I used to see crying as a weakness. And i tried so hard to never cry for so long. I can't anymore. I want to , just want to show others how do i feel most of the time , but i just unable to.

Thank you Allah. You taught me many things bout life. About people. About siapa kawan siapa setan. About kenapa perlunya ada perpisahan. So here it is , people. Yeah i do have people who always support me bila aku nak buat keputusan ke apa ke. Aku tanya dulu dorang ni ha. Team aku ni ha , intanisa lol. Well actually ada lagi , yang selalu contact aku lah . hmm. Tah la. Rasa cam pejam celik dah setahun dah lalu. Dah setahun dapat survive tanpa mereka mereka ni ha. Batch penghulu 98'. Biar lah dorang tak sayang aku ke apa ke yang penting aku sayang dorang. Haha.

Taiping. You're such a ughhh very bala betul tapi nasib baik. Nasib baik jumpa manusia yang faham apa tu friendship. Apa itu bond . apa itu sayang . apa itu kawan apa itu sahabat. Well Allah do puts me in a very hard condition. Bila orang yang kita sayang , kita kena letak belakang. Tinggalkan. Hmm. Nevermind , life goes on. I found people who don't underestimate me much haha thank you. But i do miss the old people. The old me. Haha.

Thank you Haziq , kau kasi aku disiplin haha. Aku cam envy ah orang yang selalu buat benda awal awal haha so i followed you. Bangun awal em em em at least i tried ok hahahaha tah la dari maktab lama tak suka bangun awal haha. And haziq ajar aku english hahaha ye ke lol. Tah lah sejak kau masuk taiping en well kau second intake yang genius , aku cam inspire gak nak speak in English so i do. Hewhew . Kita dah ah banyak rahsia banyak gosip hahahaha dah ah tak nak describe sini malu aku.

Safwan mekasih sebab teman aku dari form one lagi lohhh hahaha tup tup dah lima tahun kawan ngan hang hahaha even kita cam dah bawa haluan masing masing but still jadi gila en hahaha wishing that our friendship will last forever muah sikit.

Well intan and nisa . birthday kalian tak lama lagi so nanti usha lah post that I'll make okay hahaha aduh tak sangka aku boleh rindu keling cam korang ni ha hahahaha ok done.

Hai Faris Ikmal Madnooq . Terima kasih. Kau sedarkan aku yang aku tak patut hargai orang yang langsung tak kisah kalau aku sakit ke mati ke apa ke sekalipun. Aku cuba doh kawan ngan kau. But things changed , you have Adib Iskandar kan who will hear all your stories kan. Maybe kau tahu masalah aku kan tapi that wouldn't change nothing buddy. Yeah maybe kalau lepas ni aku cam dah malas nak tegur kau , sebab aku penat. Aku asyik hargai orang yang bakal tinggalkan aku. Macam mana dengan orang yang selalu hargai aku ? Selalu tanya aku okay ke tak ? Aku layan dorang cam apa je tau. But from now on , I'll learn to love them. Okay ? Okay. But don't worry , even after this we're not close anymore , i'll always be there when you need me hm.. InsyaAllah ok. Dah la. You are the nice one and kawan aku suka kau hahaha apalah mon hmm. Be happy Faris.

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Part three ?

2014 Part One .

Goodbye 2014 . Thank you for everything. Allah made you to make me more stronger dan kenal siapa kawan siapa setan. 2014 is not for me. Too many things happened in a very short time. People do come and go. My friendship do have ups and downs. But , I made it. Haha 2014 filled with tears and some joys.

Thank you Pengkalan Hulu. Kau keluarkan aku pun sebab kau nak tengok aku kuat ke tak kan haha. Kau sumbat aku kat Taiping. Tapi aku tak keseorangan. Kau hantar aku dengan Hafiy, Safwan, Dzarul, Ase, Am, Hafiz, Fahimi em, Hariz pun. Dannn Iman, Farhana, Una, Farah hahaha macam mana tah aku sayang gila kat korang since masuk Taiping. Yeah most of us changed a lot. Aku pun. Aku berubah banyak sangat. Terlalu banyak. Aku tak tau macam mana nak mintak maaf kat korang sebab aku ego dengan korang kadang kadang. Aku asyik salahkan korang most of the time but you guys accepted me as well and that's the best thing I've ever feel. 

Terima kasih new classmates. 402. Mula mula aku annoying gila ngan korang. I can't even see a single thing that can made us jadi kawan or family. But I learned that the past is in the past. Aku kena tinggalkan apa yang ada kat Pengkalan Hulu. Cuma jangan lupakan sebab itu sakit. Pedih sangat. Biarlah dorang tak hargai aku ke apa tapi aku nak dorang tahu yang aku sayang gila korang haha. Then , classmates aku jadi pengubat rindu aku haha. I found that 402 is adorable. Pastu Haziq masuk. Yeah aku mengaku aku rasa first time aku nampak dia, aku rasa cam dia je yang aku rasa boleh faham aku rasanya lah hahaha and my instinct is always righttt. We made it for a year. Aku mintak maaf aku buat salah kat kau. Gedik lebih ke apa. Tipu ke. Kutuk ke. And this time my sorry , i really mean it. Aku nampak kau berat sangat nak tanggung amanah the President of EMC. Aku jujur ah aku memang respect kau. Ramai je kutuk kau tapi kau tau tak hahaha aku backup kau tau. Aku sanggup gaduh gila ngan dorang sebab kau. Hahaha let's made it for one more year and to infinite lol.

Yeah ex pengkalan hulu. Safwan Hafiy Ase Dzarul semuaaa. Yang paling aku rasa nak peluk Hafiy ah tak tau asal hahaha yang paling aku nak borak gila babs Ase lah. Yang paling aku nak buat sweet buat manja ngan Dzarul lah. Yanv paalinggg aku jadi diri aku , dengan safwan lah haha. But others , sorry you guys hurt me so much and I cant write a single thing about you because it hurts.

Terima kasih orang yang tinggalkan aku. Zaidi. Zakwan. Haha semua 'Z'. Yeah we can used to be closed kan Zaidi. But things changed haha dun worry i still care for you even you're not. Zakwan. Kau. Aduh. Dulu waktu kau masuk kan , aku rasa kau gila. Semua benda kau boleh masuk. Kau masuk air. Aduh. Lepastu , kau bercinta dengan mirani ops. Haha. Lepastu kau kata kat aku kau nak pindah. Aku pelik kenapa kau bagitau aku awal awal kau nak pindah tapi yang lain kau saja bagitahu lambat. Hmm. Kau tahu tak saaakkiiittttt. Sakit sangat. Lepastu kita lepak kat belakang kiosk pum ennn. Haha lepastu kau cerita banyak benda. Kau suruh aku tengok bintang. Then , aku tak perasan gila waktu kau cerita satu benda ni aku dah nangis teruk gila. Pastu kau pujuk aku , kau suruh aku jadi cam Mirani , tabah kan haha. Then , kau dah cam berubah. Kau makin pendiam but I feel you hehe.

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Done Part One ;)

Jangan ,

Kadang kadang kita tak tahu , apa kita ucap. Me too. Hahaha , keluar lepas je tak tapis pun sometimes. Since hijrah maktab baru ni , mulut ni bahaya sangat. Sebab apa? Sebab manusia cabar kita. Dorang cabar kita apa yang kita tak mampu tapi hakikatnya kita lepaskan melalui kata kata , well mencarut. Aku rasa tahun ni lah paling banyak gila mencarut. Hahaha tak guna udin mulut jahat. Haa nanti Allah tarik nikmat baru tahu. Hmm , people be like " mencarut dah macam penanda wacana " and im totally agreed with that because most of people ive met , semua kuat mencarut. And they do influenced me.

Sebenarnya nak cakap cuma sabar je. Sabar bila kena kutuk. Sabar bila kena uji. Sabar bila kita jatuh. Sabar bila kita kena marah. Sabar. Sabar. Well that is what ppl told me to do so sebab kadang kadang aku panas baran. Eh ye ka hahaha kot. Tapi jarang marah depan depan. Takut. Takut tak boleh kawal haa amik kau. Masuk umur enam belas tahun ni , muda ni  , banyak gila benda nak kena sabar. Sabar dengan cikgu. Sabar dengan result jatuh. Sabar dengan fake friends. Sabar dengan kawan baik. And they totally taught me to be a very very very sabar people. Ha , susah nak kawal amarah tu actually. Sebab apa? Sebab ego kita. Tak nak kalah dengan orang lain. Kan? Haha well thats me and i really hope that things changed. Aku nak jadi kawan yang baik , anak yang soleh , pelajar yang cemerlang , and so on. Amin. Hehe.

Well i think this is the most simple post ive ever made. I dont have any idea so flashback comes and aku pun type je lah apa aku ingat. So bye hahaha .

La tahzan (2)

People come and go. But they go not that far , ada je sebumbung kat maktab ni.

Yeah I am being too friendly kot beacause i got this bunch of friends. But well said , people come and go. Haha , tu lah aku tergedik sangat nak kawan ngan semua orang. At last ? Haha aku sendiri yang menangis. Sebab apa? Bila kita rasa kita kawan yang paling rapat dengan dia, tapi bagi dia kita hanya s a m p a h.

Well its not that nice to mention his name here lol nvm nanti aku mention jugak hahahahahahaha k. Dulu aku ingat lagi , aku jumpa kau. I don't remember siapa tegur siapa dulu but you used to give me a very menakutkan-gatal-marah punya pandangan. Haha. Yeah aku kenal kau sebab cube kau sebelah Safwan. That bij i have to live with him selama lima tahun lol hahaha nasib baik mamat ni ada. So i am very close with Safwan , so you are. Then i told safwan that i get envy with him sebab semua rapat ngan dia semua budak baik gila nak mampus. Yeah , you. You are very kind. Until i know you well. Until you saw me crying behind the class or whatever. Haha , you gave me hopes. You were there when I was at my very very down. Anddd you also got secret admire lol tak percaya en. Hmm. Kita rapat ke sebenarnya ?

Kau faham aku ke? Haha. Tapi kenapaa aku rasa kau faham hahaha tak. Tak kot. Kau mungkin tak faham lagi lol. It was the best feeling ever when you text me to ask either im doing well or not. Yeah i appreciate things that ppl made for me even a very single small thing. Yeah i mean like wow you do something for me. Pastu malam malam kau selalu jugak lepak dengan aku. UGH MACAM MANA AKU BOLEH RAPAT NGAN KAU HMM. Then almost of the time aku turun bawah kejut kau bangun subuh. Samdol punya kawan nak bangun pun susah ke haha. Kau PUM. Yeah i remembered that night. Kau ajak pergi kiosk sebab kau lapar then kita pergi masak eh? Eh tak kot. Itu kau ngan Alai. Haha you guys totally crazy. Kau pinjam kasut aku lepastu kat padang kau bukak sebab taknak kasi kotor. Haha bodo aku sayang kau gila badigol. Kau pun pandai gila cuma kita tak pernah study sama je haha siot tol. Andddd the most time aku ingat , kau suruh aku belanja roti planta but at last kau dalam buaian mimpi lagi well done pastu pukul sebelas kita tibai roti planta kat student centre. Oh God kenapa aku tulis semua ni padahal tahun depan ada lagi. Haha. Haa lagi satu. Waktu emm emm. Waktu kau ada masalah dengan scarex. Waktu duit hilang. Hahaha aku tak tau aku ada kuasa apa sampai boleh teka tepat gila sebelum ada roll call malam tu. Aku text kau panjang nak mampus. Suruh kau stay strong lol. And we found the pencuri and bla bla and kau usha panas je pencuri tu waktu satu hari ni hahaha lawak ah samdol.

But i realized something. Kawan baik mana boleh terpisah senang cam tu je. Haha it is not us okay not us. Well kau rapat dengan adib iskandar. Hahaha sorry jugak menyemak dalam hidup kau. Tapi kau tak menyemak pun dalam hidup aku sebenarnya lol harap kau tak baca ni. Aku sayang kau do bila kau ajak aku solat kt surau haha sumpah sayang. And bila waktu annual dinner form five , aku pakai baju emc bapak bangga nak mampus hahahaha. And kau kata mula mula aku bajet but at last ada tiga keping film gambar kau ngan aku macam monyet. Sebenarnya banyak lagi aku nak tulis like kau suka paksa aku buat apa yang kau nak macam haritu kau belanja aku pau pastu kau marah bila aku tak ambik tak guna betul ego kau tinggi melambung awan sana nuh. Haha.

And that's one of the other half of me. The one who cherish me macam katak betul comel. And you once be my worst mistake but my best lesson. Hahaha. Stay with me samdol badigol. Thank you for this year , Faris Ikmal Mohd Noor the bij from kupa lol.

Done part two :)

La tahzan (1)

Salam people :)
So here it is , since Ive been through too many ups and downs in my life this year , why not we have a little bit of flashbacks lol. Haha , okay lets start from the beginning. On the beginning of the year, 2014 , I have lost too many people in my life. Yeah but i keep them safe and sound in my heart. Who took me from them ? I would like to say that hmm Mrsm Taiping took me ? Haha but nvm I'll go with the flow :)

Im not that regret for pindah Taiping but I little disappointed for what happened. Yeah I know there's always have a bright side of everything so it is we who should figure out where's the bright side. Well I think i found one. Haha. This totally kills me. Know what , yeah one of the things that I very very very ugh macam payahnya nak terima kenyataan , hmm yeah someone who I being closed to also pindah masuk Taiping. And HE got his very very new life there i don't know if ada jin ke syaitan ke yang sampuk dia till he changed a lot okay a lot. Maybe others give me look macam lek ah manusia berubah kan. But its different. Its like you lost the half you. Yeah it's the most suitable words that suits me well. It hurts. Then , what should i do? I find my other half by myself.

Who's the other half of me? Haha. Payah nak teka en because I am very complicated as bitch. I have to brace myself and get through all of this kind of tests for me. I found a very lot of friends here. But, the best will always stay. Till now, i can count who are the people that i very very need in my life. In other word, the half of me. Yeah bosan en dorang nama dorang asyik kena mention je kat sini en hahaha. Nevermind , not this time lah. I believe that our friendship will last forever. Please Allah hmm. And also , throughout this year , tears are the main actors.

I learned to live that not everyone in your life will stay. If they want to, they will. Don't force because it hurts inside. So let them go. I set them free. Maybe it is not our rezeki nak kawan lama lama. Bila Allah bagi rasa sayang dekat dalam hati dalam waktu yang kita rasa sangat tak tepat. Bila orang yang kita sayang nak pergi , pedihnya siapa tanggung. Yeah berat mata memandang , berat lagi bahu yang memikul. Haha bye Zakwan. Yeah i know that I am a very very tak guna punya kawan haha bodoh udin tak pandai appreciate orang. But , i see the same thing in you. Maybe i see that you don't appreciate me as well. You don't see what i have done to you even a single thing. You don't see that i sleep very lambat nak mampus semata mata nak buat sebiji origami nak kasi kau sebab kau sedih, tapi at the end , kau marah aku and kau tenggelam dalam emosi kau. Kau tak pandang pun aku , well we're done right ? You will maybe find your new life in UK. Nak cakap yang aku tak pernah lupa kau and aku selalu doa untuk kebaikan kau sekalipun kau benci aku ke apa. Sorry menyemak dalam hidup kau hahaha .

Done part one .

Love was not always Red.

So hi everyone.
Im sorry cause being such an emo en before this hahaha you got no idea what kind of probs ive been through. Hm later I'll tell you mine k. Btw here's a pic of someone hahaha yeah they cheer me up. They were they when I was at my worst. Bila aku berjaya pun kami share kejayaan kami cewah ayat hahaha. When i left Pengkalan Hulu, yeah Allah put me in a very ugh hard times. Hahaha but no worry. I got Allah i fear nothing.

Allah campak dorang ni dalam hidup aku. Nak kasi aku kuat sikit mehh. Tah cane tah aku sayang gila kat dorang ni. Semua mandrem aku ni hahaha. Well i got Haziq Nazmi , Arif , Yah , Amirah Hani , Safwan and ramai lagi lah hahaha jangan tacing kalau nama takdak. They are the most annoying ppl ive ever met hahahaha aku sayang korang bodo. Yeah i deserve some sort of happiness. Lepas semua orang yang aku sayang tinggalkan aku. God sent them. Jadi bahu aku. Dengar semua masalah aku. Life's not that bad. It just a bad day je okay everyone? Hahaha bila happy kena spent time well. Yeah. Ppl said love was red. But sorry not sorry. Friendship over relay i must say ;)

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Ya Allah kalau kali ni aku nak mengalah. Boleh? Aku dah penat sangat ni. Dah tak tahan. Kenapa macam ni jadinya. Aku langsung tak minta perpisahan. Tak minta yang kau bolak balikkan hati aku untuk sayang orang yang akan tinggalkan aku. Kenapa mesti aku yang menangis tiap malam. Kenapa mesti aku yang emo tiap masa. Kau bagi aku gembira sekejap sangat. Kenapa mesti aku yang bagi harapan tinggi. Kenapa?

Orang kata Allah sayang seseorang tu sebab tu dia uji. Tapi aku rasa ni hukuman. Apa salah aku. Aku menangis untuk orang, orang ada menangis untuk aku. Sampaikan satu hari tu aku dah kering air mata. Tak larat. Penat. Letih. Its not im giving up on my life. I just cant hold it back anymore. Sebab sorang pun tak faham aku. Siapapun takkan dapat faham aku. I thought parents would fully understand me. It seems like im absolutely wrong. Sorry mama. Why it is me who born in this world? I didnt ask for this. Stop people. Stop playing with my feelings. My heart. Its not a toy at all. Somehow ppl dont appreciate me well as i did to them. Its not me yang mintak dalam keadaan macam ni. Tak. Kadang aku rasa sumpah nak bunuh diri. Tapi kenapa. Kenapa ada je yang halang. Bodoh. Aku penat tau tak.

Zakwan?

Kenapa dengan Zakwan? Okay let me introduce you. Zakwan Khairuddin. Somehow dulu aku tak rapat ngan dia. He's my classmate. Know what happen. Ini kuasa Allah. Dia campak rasa sayang dalam hati aku bila waktu untuk aku dengan dia dah sangat suntuk.

Kenapa baru sekarang kitorang rapat? Hmm... I mean not before this tak rapat cuma rasa dia macam ordinary people in my life lah. Then. Hmmm. When we first met, I had no idea that you become this important to me. Kenapa sekarang baru aku sayang kau. Kenapa bila kau dah nak pergi baru aku hargai. Sorry cause im not a good friend. Kalau kau baca ni aku just nak kau tau yang aku sayang gila kau bodoh. And aku nak kau tau yang.. Aku menangis tulis benda ni. Aku menangis bila teringat kita lepak belakang kiosk sampai 12 pagi. Kau tak tau apa aku rasa do. Kadang kadang sunyi sangat..

Memanglah aku rapat ngan Haziq but now he's such a very busy with EMC kan. Hmm. Aku rasa tak adil kenapa aku kenal korang kalau macam ni jadinya. Kau nak pindah... Kau ada Amirah Hani. Aku ada siapa? Hmm. Takda Zack takda. Kau jugak yang kata yang "Buat apa berjaya kalau tak gembira"... Aku pegang kata kau tauuu. Kau cakap kau terpaksa ikut cakap parents kau. Takpa. Aku terima walau hakikatnya langsung tak.

Takpa. 'Kita cuba buat kenangan sementara masa masih ada' ... Kau kata benda ni kat aku kann ;)
Aku nak tulis panjang tapi tak boleh. Aku tak boleh control emosi aku tauu. Hmmm nanti aku nangis lahh. Hmmm

Aku sayang kau, pandai.