This time , I'll reveal a little bit the actually me. I pretend a lot in front of people. I cried a lot behind these people. I smile a little in this life and I waste my tears on people who gave me bullshit.
Know what happened to my parents ? This will be the most big secret in my whole life. Yes , love is sucks. Im afraid of love. Afraid of being rejected. Afraid of being left hanging. That's love. I tried my best to not fall in love with someone because i know that its killing me inside.
What's my next step ?
I tested many people. I tested them by hurting myself. I hurt myself. Aku korbankan apa yang aku rasa. Aku tak nak apa yang jadi antara mama ngan ayah aku jadi jugak dekat kawan kawan aku. I'd swear , I love them in silence.
How did I test people ?
23/1/15. Yes , aku mengaku yang aku kawan dengan lelaki lagi rapat daripada perempuan. It would be nice if you don't judge me by listening to my life story. Maybe my life's story is not that interesting as you guys have. But I realized that , I am lesson in people's lives. Im not a bless. I came into their life to give them shits and a piece of sweets and a box of popcorns. To tell them how much life can fear them. How sweet is life? How shit is life? Yes , I do believe that Allah puts me here to make me stronger and keep moving on. Even though I got times that I cried hardly.
Zakwan and Amirah 's story. How i put myself there? Haha. It's kinda funny to know that Zakwan is dumper. Penipu. But , it's keputusan dia apa dia nak buat lepas ni. I'm totally tired of putting myself in some people's life. Totally fucked up. Okay. Here we go. I pretend to be like a hmm bestfriend lah. Its not pretend. Its true , i treat him as my best soulmate but. I told you he dumped me. I just want to see the power of their love. Its complicated. Amirah and Zakwan is something. So i leave the game.
Faris and Yah 's story. Hmm. This is one of the part that hurts me a lot. Yeah , Faris. We used to be close before this and i don't know what happened. We don't talk. We don't chat. The thing is when one night i said something to Yah that i think it's the most stupid thing i ever said. I told her that please don't marry you and i was joking rasanya. She thought that I was envy with you guys and the thing is she thought that im the one who want you and things went fucked. Yeah i know mesti Yah fikir aku cam gay kan cakap camtu. Yeah. Know what? I planned something for you guys.
I just want to see if she's really care about you. So i pretend that i know everything about you Faris. But yeah she won haha. There's lot of stories about us. Aku, kau and Yah. But kalau tulis kat sini, susah. The main thing is i don't want you guys hurt because of love semua ni. Trust me, it sucks. Seeing my parents pun dah cukup untuk aku buat semua ni. Make some people annoyed with me for their sake but its me who sacrifice a lot for their sake. Hm. I know that my doing was wrong and Im sorry. I really mean it. Sorry Yah , sorry Faris.
So this is the a piece of my life. See , I reveal it for someone's sake. This will never stop.
Love All , Trust a Few ? Sorry but before this I Love a Few but I Trust All. This is me swallowing my pride here.
Published.
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