Jangan ,

Kadang kadang kita tak tahu , apa kita ucap. Me too. Hahaha , keluar lepas je tak tapis pun sometimes. Since hijrah maktab baru ni , mulut ni bahaya sangat. Sebab apa? Sebab manusia cabar kita. Dorang cabar kita apa yang kita tak mampu tapi hakikatnya kita lepaskan melalui kata kata , well mencarut. Aku rasa tahun ni lah paling banyak gila mencarut. Hahaha tak guna udin mulut jahat. Haa nanti Allah tarik nikmat baru tahu. Hmm , people be like " mencarut dah macam penanda wacana " and im totally agreed with that because most of people ive met , semua kuat mencarut. And they do influenced me.

Sebenarnya nak cakap cuma sabar je. Sabar bila kena kutuk. Sabar bila kena uji. Sabar bila kita jatuh. Sabar bila kita kena marah. Sabar. Sabar. Well that is what ppl told me to do so sebab kadang kadang aku panas baran. Eh ye ka hahaha kot. Tapi jarang marah depan depan. Takut. Takut tak boleh kawal haa amik kau. Masuk umur enam belas tahun ni , muda ni  , banyak gila benda nak kena sabar. Sabar dengan cikgu. Sabar dengan result jatuh. Sabar dengan fake friends. Sabar dengan kawan baik. And they totally taught me to be a very very very sabar people. Ha , susah nak kawal amarah tu actually. Sebab apa? Sebab ego kita. Tak nak kalah dengan orang lain. Kan? Haha well thats me and i really hope that things changed. Aku nak jadi kawan yang baik , anak yang soleh , pelajar yang cemerlang , and so on. Amin. Hehe.

Well i think this is the most simple post ive ever made. I dont have any idea so flashback comes and aku pun type je lah apa aku ingat. So bye hahaha .

La tahzan (2)

People come and go. But they go not that far , ada je sebumbung kat maktab ni.

Yeah I am being too friendly kot beacause i got this bunch of friends. But well said , people come and go. Haha , tu lah aku tergedik sangat nak kawan ngan semua orang. At last ? Haha aku sendiri yang menangis. Sebab apa? Bila kita rasa kita kawan yang paling rapat dengan dia, tapi bagi dia kita hanya s a m p a h.

Well its not that nice to mention his name here lol nvm nanti aku mention jugak hahahahahahaha k. Dulu aku ingat lagi , aku jumpa kau. I don't remember siapa tegur siapa dulu but you used to give me a very menakutkan-gatal-marah punya pandangan. Haha. Yeah aku kenal kau sebab cube kau sebelah Safwan. That bij i have to live with him selama lima tahun lol hahaha nasib baik mamat ni ada. So i am very close with Safwan , so you are. Then i told safwan that i get envy with him sebab semua rapat ngan dia semua budak baik gila nak mampus. Yeah , you. You are very kind. Until i know you well. Until you saw me crying behind the class or whatever. Haha , you gave me hopes. You were there when I was at my very very down. Anddd you also got secret admire lol tak percaya en. Hmm. Kita rapat ke sebenarnya ?

Kau faham aku ke? Haha. Tapi kenapaa aku rasa kau faham hahaha tak. Tak kot. Kau mungkin tak faham lagi lol. It was the best feeling ever when you text me to ask either im doing well or not. Yeah i appreciate things that ppl made for me even a very single small thing. Yeah i mean like wow you do something for me. Pastu malam malam kau selalu jugak lepak dengan aku. UGH MACAM MANA AKU BOLEH RAPAT NGAN KAU HMM. Then almost of the time aku turun bawah kejut kau bangun subuh. Samdol punya kawan nak bangun pun susah ke haha. Kau PUM. Yeah i remembered that night. Kau ajak pergi kiosk sebab kau lapar then kita pergi masak eh? Eh tak kot. Itu kau ngan Alai. Haha you guys totally crazy. Kau pinjam kasut aku lepastu kat padang kau bukak sebab taknak kasi kotor. Haha bodo aku sayang kau gila badigol. Kau pun pandai gila cuma kita tak pernah study sama je haha siot tol. Andddd the most time aku ingat , kau suruh aku belanja roti planta but at last kau dalam buaian mimpi lagi well done pastu pukul sebelas kita tibai roti planta kat student centre. Oh God kenapa aku tulis semua ni padahal tahun depan ada lagi. Haha. Haa lagi satu. Waktu emm emm. Waktu kau ada masalah dengan scarex. Waktu duit hilang. Hahaha aku tak tau aku ada kuasa apa sampai boleh teka tepat gila sebelum ada roll call malam tu. Aku text kau panjang nak mampus. Suruh kau stay strong lol. And we found the pencuri and bla bla and kau usha panas je pencuri tu waktu satu hari ni hahaha lawak ah samdol.

But i realized something. Kawan baik mana boleh terpisah senang cam tu je. Haha it is not us okay not us. Well kau rapat dengan adib iskandar. Hahaha sorry jugak menyemak dalam hidup kau. Tapi kau tak menyemak pun dalam hidup aku sebenarnya lol harap kau tak baca ni. Aku sayang kau do bila kau ajak aku solat kt surau haha sumpah sayang. And bila waktu annual dinner form five , aku pakai baju emc bapak bangga nak mampus hahahaha. And kau kata mula mula aku bajet but at last ada tiga keping film gambar kau ngan aku macam monyet. Sebenarnya banyak lagi aku nak tulis like kau suka paksa aku buat apa yang kau nak macam haritu kau belanja aku pau pastu kau marah bila aku tak ambik tak guna betul ego kau tinggi melambung awan sana nuh. Haha.

And that's one of the other half of me. The one who cherish me macam katak betul comel. And you once be my worst mistake but my best lesson. Hahaha. Stay with me samdol badigol. Thank you for this year , Faris Ikmal Mohd Noor the bij from kupa lol.

Done part two :)

La tahzan (1)

Salam people :)
So here it is , since Ive been through too many ups and downs in my life this year , why not we have a little bit of flashbacks lol. Haha , okay lets start from the beginning. On the beginning of the year, 2014 , I have lost too many people in my life. Yeah but i keep them safe and sound in my heart. Who took me from them ? I would like to say that hmm Mrsm Taiping took me ? Haha but nvm I'll go with the flow :)

Im not that regret for pindah Taiping but I little disappointed for what happened. Yeah I know there's always have a bright side of everything so it is we who should figure out where's the bright side. Well I think i found one. Haha. This totally kills me. Know what , yeah one of the things that I very very very ugh macam payahnya nak terima kenyataan , hmm yeah someone who I being closed to also pindah masuk Taiping. And HE got his very very new life there i don't know if ada jin ke syaitan ke yang sampuk dia till he changed a lot okay a lot. Maybe others give me look macam lek ah manusia berubah kan. But its different. Its like you lost the half you. Yeah it's the most suitable words that suits me well. It hurts. Then , what should i do? I find my other half by myself.

Who's the other half of me? Haha. Payah nak teka en because I am very complicated as bitch. I have to brace myself and get through all of this kind of tests for me. I found a very lot of friends here. But, the best will always stay. Till now, i can count who are the people that i very very need in my life. In other word, the half of me. Yeah bosan en dorang nama dorang asyik kena mention je kat sini en hahaha. Nevermind , not this time lah. I believe that our friendship will last forever. Please Allah hmm. And also , throughout this year , tears are the main actors.

I learned to live that not everyone in your life will stay. If they want to, they will. Don't force because it hurts inside. So let them go. I set them free. Maybe it is not our rezeki nak kawan lama lama. Bila Allah bagi rasa sayang dekat dalam hati dalam waktu yang kita rasa sangat tak tepat. Bila orang yang kita sayang nak pergi , pedihnya siapa tanggung. Yeah berat mata memandang , berat lagi bahu yang memikul. Haha bye Zakwan. Yeah i know that I am a very very tak guna punya kawan haha bodoh udin tak pandai appreciate orang. But , i see the same thing in you. Maybe i see that you don't appreciate me as well. You don't see what i have done to you even a single thing. You don't see that i sleep very lambat nak mampus semata mata nak buat sebiji origami nak kasi kau sebab kau sedih, tapi at the end , kau marah aku and kau tenggelam dalam emosi kau. Kau tak pandang pun aku , well we're done right ? You will maybe find your new life in UK. Nak cakap yang aku tak pernah lupa kau and aku selalu doa untuk kebaikan kau sekalipun kau benci aku ke apa. Sorry menyemak dalam hidup kau hahaha .

Done part one .

Love was not always Red.

So hi everyone.
Im sorry cause being such an emo en before this hahaha you got no idea what kind of probs ive been through. Hm later I'll tell you mine k. Btw here's a pic of someone hahaha yeah they cheer me up. They were they when I was at my worst. Bila aku berjaya pun kami share kejayaan kami cewah ayat hahaha. When i left Pengkalan Hulu, yeah Allah put me in a very ugh hard times. Hahaha but no worry. I got Allah i fear nothing.

Allah campak dorang ni dalam hidup aku. Nak kasi aku kuat sikit mehh. Tah cane tah aku sayang gila kat dorang ni. Semua mandrem aku ni hahaha. Well i got Haziq Nazmi , Arif , Yah , Amirah Hani , Safwan and ramai lagi lah hahaha jangan tacing kalau nama takdak. They are the most annoying ppl ive ever met hahahaha aku sayang korang bodo. Yeah i deserve some sort of happiness. Lepas semua orang yang aku sayang tinggalkan aku. God sent them. Jadi bahu aku. Dengar semua masalah aku. Life's not that bad. It just a bad day je okay everyone? Hahaha bila happy kena spent time well. Yeah. Ppl said love was red. But sorry not sorry. Friendship over relay i must say ;)

.

Ya Allah kalau kali ni aku nak mengalah. Boleh? Aku dah penat sangat ni. Dah tak tahan. Kenapa macam ni jadinya. Aku langsung tak minta perpisahan. Tak minta yang kau bolak balikkan hati aku untuk sayang orang yang akan tinggalkan aku. Kenapa mesti aku yang menangis tiap malam. Kenapa mesti aku yang emo tiap masa. Kau bagi aku gembira sekejap sangat. Kenapa mesti aku yang bagi harapan tinggi. Kenapa?

Orang kata Allah sayang seseorang tu sebab tu dia uji. Tapi aku rasa ni hukuman. Apa salah aku. Aku menangis untuk orang, orang ada menangis untuk aku. Sampaikan satu hari tu aku dah kering air mata. Tak larat. Penat. Letih. Its not im giving up on my life. I just cant hold it back anymore. Sebab sorang pun tak faham aku. Siapapun takkan dapat faham aku. I thought parents would fully understand me. It seems like im absolutely wrong. Sorry mama. Why it is me who born in this world? I didnt ask for this. Stop people. Stop playing with my feelings. My heart. Its not a toy at all. Somehow ppl dont appreciate me well as i did to them. Its not me yang mintak dalam keadaan macam ni. Tak. Kadang aku rasa sumpah nak bunuh diri. Tapi kenapa. Kenapa ada je yang halang. Bodoh. Aku penat tau tak.

Zakwan?

Kenapa dengan Zakwan? Okay let me introduce you. Zakwan Khairuddin. Somehow dulu aku tak rapat ngan dia. He's my classmate. Know what happen. Ini kuasa Allah. Dia campak rasa sayang dalam hati aku bila waktu untuk aku dengan dia dah sangat suntuk.

Kenapa baru sekarang kitorang rapat? Hmm... I mean not before this tak rapat cuma rasa dia macam ordinary people in my life lah. Then. Hmmm. When we first met, I had no idea that you become this important to me. Kenapa sekarang baru aku sayang kau. Kenapa bila kau dah nak pergi baru aku hargai. Sorry cause im not a good friend. Kalau kau baca ni aku just nak kau tau yang aku sayang gila kau bodoh. And aku nak kau tau yang.. Aku menangis tulis benda ni. Aku menangis bila teringat kita lepak belakang kiosk sampai 12 pagi. Kau tak tau apa aku rasa do. Kadang kadang sunyi sangat..

Memanglah aku rapat ngan Haziq but now he's such a very busy with EMC kan. Hmm. Aku rasa tak adil kenapa aku kenal korang kalau macam ni jadinya. Kau nak pindah... Kau ada Amirah Hani. Aku ada siapa? Hmm. Takda Zack takda. Kau jugak yang kata yang "Buat apa berjaya kalau tak gembira"... Aku pegang kata kau tauuu. Kau cakap kau terpaksa ikut cakap parents kau. Takpa. Aku terima walau hakikatnya langsung tak.

Takpa. 'Kita cuba buat kenangan sementara masa masih ada' ... Kau kata benda ni kat aku kann ;)
Aku nak tulis panjang tapi tak boleh. Aku tak boleh control emosi aku tauu. Hmmm nanti aku nangis lahh. Hmmm

Aku sayang kau, pandai.

Enough.

And now I realised siapa kawan siapa lawan. In life.. Sangat mencabar. Saat kau rasa kau berada di atas. Tinggi. Kau rasa hidup kau sangat ringan. Tiada beban. Tunggu. Kalau kau nampak permainan dunia yang sebenarnya. Siapa aku nak kata macam tu? Aku bukan siapa pun. Cuma aku nak cakap yang manusia ni lagi menakutkan. Betapa seramnya mereka dari hantu. Kau tak tau betapa sakitnya hati bila kau ditipu syaitan bertopengkan manusia. Hmm. Aku lalu banyak benda. Umur? Bukan satu isu bagi aku. Dekat sini. Allah letak aku dekat sini. Dia nak uji betapa kuatnya aku. Tapi tak. Tak setiap masa kita kuat. Kadang kita jatuh kerana manusia. Tapi bangkitlah kerana Allah. Alim? Tak. Bukan aku. Aku buat dosa yang orang tak sangka pun aku buat. Dosa apa? Biarlah rahsia aku dengan Allah. People come and leave. Why? God puts people in your life for reasons and remove them for better reasons.

Hmm. Know something bad about me? Nak sebarkan? Aku takut? Yes. Tapi bukan selamanya. Aku buat salah.. Aku depan masalah aku. Dengar? Masalah aku. Bukan kau. You have no right on it. On me. Come on. Reveal everything. Come on ! Indeed, im prepared for it. Im prepare for what will happen on me. Sebab bila kau rasa kau terlampau hebat nak ugut aku. Tunggu bila sampai waktunya kau jatuh. Tunggu bila karma kau dah sampai. Aku baik? Tak. Banyak benda aku buat yang sakitkan hati manusia. Humans are looking for perfection but it seems they are totally wrong. Cukup. Enough. Biar aku tanggung apa aku buat. Bye.